A sickness can’t be cured unless we first diagnose it and understand how it works.
What is your automatic and unconscious belief about the women in your experience? I say experience because we each have a specific impact and exposure.
What is your default setting when you look at a woman?
Think to yourself: Has pornography impacted the way that I give meaning and purpose to this woman that I work with, or that I have met at an event or at a store?
Do I look at her with lust and desire, or do I ask myself what meaningful conversation can I spark up with her to learn and grow from one another?
Does pornography mess with the way that I construct and give meaning to the women that I see on Instagram, Facebook, or on social media?
I know that everyone has an inner dialogue going on in their mind. Sometimes we don’t realize that we have control over what we think and how often we think it. Give yourself permission to study the framework of what makes you think the way that you think.
I think the lesson here is compounded even more in sexual relationships. Our experience is not the only experience to consider. Sometimes we get so caught up in the wave of the powerful feelings and sensations involved in sex that we are feeling that it becomes harder to see, hear, and understand anyone else’s feelings.
I know that I had a hard time focusing on anything outside of myself. My sole focus was on me and my ecstasy and my pleasure. I had to find relief to my own negative thoughts and emotions and sex was the vehicle that I used.
I believe that it was harder for me to see because I didn’t understand my own feelings and my own body. I rarely talked about my own feelings and rarely spoke about my experiences of depth and importance to another adult, if ever. My emotional maturity has only started to take root in the last few years. It is sad to write that when I just had my 36th birthday.
Men and boys rarely speak about their feelings. I know I didn’t. My Mother always tried to get it out of me. I think we were driven apart over the years because she was always trying to find a way in and it only drove me farther away. I would come home on the weekends after going on a date or spending time with friends and my Mother would bombard me with questions. I would usually just say “Hi, I’m home” and then I would head down to my room. I never practiced story telling of my experiences. I definitely didn’t talk to another adult about my make out sessions or my experiences of intimacy with girls. I was too embarrassed to speak about these experiences with an adult.
I believe it is very difficult to be vulnerable and to be completely transparent about our feelings and our thoughts. I know that it takes a lot of bravery to share your experiences and your true thoughts. I was always extremely fearful of being ridiculed and rejected. I think that my greatest fear that I have felt my entire life has been the fear of rejection. I don’t like feeling isolated and alone. The truth I came to know is that the more transparent you are, the more whole you will feel, because you begin to understand yourself better. The secondary consequence is being able to really establish your true tribe.
Know that you will discover negative feelings and negative thoughts. That is ok. We are all imperfect. We are all human. It is a great discovery when you identify where you have gone wrong in a thought or analysis of a story in your mind and life. A lot of times I saw incorrect analysis’ or judgements that I had made, when I evaluated my thinking. This is when you can start taking back your own consciousness.
#addiction #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #recovery #health #life #love #addictionrecovery #somaticexperience #hope #fightthenewdrug #nofap