Comparison is death to progression. But sharing of stories helps us connect with people that help us find our way.
We all have trauma. We all have hooks of personal history and injury stuck inside of us. My trauma is not greater or smaller than anyone else’s. It just is.
Deep connection happens when we are completely vulnerable and open with the things that we are struggling with. Right now in my life, I still work hard to overcome my default setting of sex and porn addiction. I have used sexual feelings as an escape. These sexual feelings could be generated through fantasy and imagination. I have learned that I sought these escapes when I don’t want to feel. The feelings could vary from insecurity, fear, discouragement, rejection, etc.
Now as I give myself space to feel my feelings, regardless of what they are, they pass. They are like a wave, or sometimes waves crashing down again and again. Some feelings are so intense that the waves keep coming. Sometimes I feel like I might drown from being pounded by the waves. Just as I come up for air, the next wave hits me and pushes me back down. Once I figure out how to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, in this analogy, it would be me learning how to breathe under water. I can calm my nerves. Sitting in our emotions and honoring them could be one of the hardest things that I have ever experiences. This feels like I am drowning.
Do we allow our lives to be ruled by fear based thoughts, or do we let our lives be driven by the faith and hope that we have for our lives.
My son Theo turns 5 today. Every year I write my kids a letter for their birthday. Here is my letter I wrote to Theo:
My Theo Boy
The world we live in is in conflict with itself. We have already been on a crazy journey together and you are only 5 years old. You have taught me more about God, The Universe, The Purpose of Life, than I could have ever imagined in the last 5 years. Here is what I know for sure. I love you. I love you exactly how you are. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t stop fighting to help you progress to your highest potential. You see, even me, in my wise ol’ age of 36, still have so much more to learn. You showed me that. You showed me that I can wake up every day and strive to be even better than I was the day before. I can gain more knowledge. I can be kinder. I can seek to understand other people’s perspectives more. My mind wouldn’t have understood that as well as I do now without you. I can’t challenge you to reach your highest potential, if I am not willing to work just as hard on myself. I love you Theo George Blymiller. Happy Birthday my little man.
Theo was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years old. We have tried to find ways to help him develop and progress ever since. Our family has received a lot of criticism from adults with Autism. They claim that we are using “ableism” in a negative context. They claim that Theo doesn’t need to be fixed. He is perfect the way he is. I wanted to speak to that specifically.
You see the greatest expression of Love that I have ever received in my life is the love I have received from my wife. Even when I betrayed her and hurt her in the worst way possible, she still saw me for the man that I could be.
Nobody knows if Theo will ever talk, or if he will be able to be independent and go to the bathroom, or if he will be in diapers forever. Nobody knows if he will be able to play sports, or make friends, or go on dates, or fall in love.
All I know is that I will fight like hell to offer him every opportunity to find the best options for him. All I know is that I envision Theo speaking in front of a large group one day and that is the vision that is guiding me today.
#personalgrowth #recovery #addictionrecovery #totalwellness #GabbyBernstein #autism #ableism
Read about Gabrielle Bernstein!