“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” …
I think the scariest thing for me is revealing my truest self to others because that is how I would sustain the greatest hurt. However, I have also learned that that is how you create the deepest connections.
Bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the complete knowledge of all the risk involved and still exposing yourself to reach the highest reward.
“If you were going to die tomorrow, would you still do what you are doing today?” – Steve Jobs
Because I have suffered trauma through my addiction and because I have found healthy ways of living, I want to help others to recover.
I have read over 50 books in the last 2 years and I have listened to countless podcasts with every intention to heal, grow and learn.
Why do this?
Because not enough men share their stories.
Because I need to commit to being a better person publicly.
Because my wife deserves a better husband.
Because my kids deserve a better father.
Because I can be a better person for my future self.
Because men like Martin Luther King Jr. showed us all what it means to stand up and lead social change.
2020 is going to be a new milestone for me. I have spent the last 3 years in recovery, working on myself, so I can better serve the people around me. I will continue on my self-healing path, but it is time to take on a new adventure and a new task. I will start forging ways to help heal the infected mind.
I have been terrified to post any of my story publicly because it is raw and deep. It does also include mature material. So please, handle this blog with care. I will be writing about pornography and sexual addiction recovery.
I hope to help to create a community. A community of open mature discussion about healthy sexuality. Sex is not easy to talk about. However, it is easy to find sexual content. Modern day media has made it quick, simple and easy to find sexual mature material in a matter of seconds. If kids want to learn about different sexual acts, or different parts of the human sexual anatomy, they can find it and they can learn about it. We need to make sure to curate the material being consumed by the masses. Healthy relationships are required and essential to our human experience. Healthy relationships only happen when we step out of ourselves and care for the other. We can’t step out of ourselves until we understand ourselves.
In a sermon by Martin Luther King Jr. in Selma, Alabama, on 8 March 1965, the day after “Bloody Sunday,” on which civil rights protesters were attacked and beaten by police on the Edmund Pettus Bridge:
“Deep down in our non-violent creed is the conviction there are some things so dear, some things so precious, some things so eternally true, that they’re worth dying for. And if a man happens to be 36 years old, as I happen to be, some great truth stands before the door of his life — some great opportunity to stand up for that which is right. A man might be afraid his home will get bombed, or he’s afraid that he will lose his job, or he’s afraid that he will get shot, or beat down by state troopers, and he may go on and live until he’s 80. He’s just as dead at 36 as he would be at 80. The cessation of breathing in his life is merely the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit. He died …
…A man dies when he refuses to stand up for that which is right. A man dies when he refuses to stand up for justice. A man dies when he refuses to take a stand for that which is true...
…So we’re going to stand up amid horses. We’re going to stand up right here in Alabama, amid the billy-clubs. We’re going to stand up right here in Alabama amid police dogs, if they have them. We’re going to stand up amid tear gas! We’re going to stand up amid anything they can muster up, letting the world know that we are determined to be free!”
I am also 36 years old. I refuse to stay silent any more about things that matter. Just because something is difficult to talk about, doesn’t mean that we should ignore it or hope that it goes away. Difficult conversations must happen, and they must continue to happen. Our evolvement as a human race must continue to push forward. I will not allow pornography to be the education vehicle for sexual relationships. I am sex positive. I will not package these discussions with religion. I will find language to communicate effectively.
Monday I turned 37 years old. This last year has been a really successful year for me. I made a lot of money in my software sales job. I completed my 200 Hour Yoga Certification and I have 3 months left on my year long Functional Medicine Coaching Certification. I am working hard at bettering myself so I can be of better service to those around me.
I have learned that Relationships are really schools. Relationships are a form of education. They are an introspection of our ourselves. They reflect what we need to learn about our perspective of the world. It seems like when I have something to learn, I have similar situations present themselves to me until I learn the lesson that I was meant to learn. Our reactions to conflict a lot of times is a reflection of how we see ourselves. It is telling of our view of the world and how we fit into it. If we become emotional about something a lot of times it is something that needs to be resolved within ourselves. Admittedly, sometimes the other person is being an asshole and we have to stand up for ourselves. But nonetheless, there is still a lesson to learn in how we react. Introspection and reflection are powerful tools in unlocking our own power.
Our intuition is our greatest guide, but it can’t guide us if we are blocked by conflict. My experience is that as long as you are digging in and attempting at self growth, intuition can be freed. Digging in means making time. It means making ourselves a priority. It means making dates with ourselves to study and understand ourselves. Whether that comes from going on a run so you can think, or journaling, or going on a walk-about or camping trip alone. We must find time for ourselves with no other distractions. No cell phones, no tv’s, no Netflix, no passive entertainment. Really digging in by focusing all of our time and energy on our thoughts and our views of the world. Our views of the world can only be changed by us. No one can do it for you. Sometimes we don’t recognize an error in judgement until it is reflected back to us. Most of the time, these reflections come through our relationships. If we can’t take the time to see it and analyze it and make of it of what it is, we will keep running into the same experiences.
Life is a series of checkpoints. We don’t get to go to the next checkpoint until we pass off the current one, until we learn the lesson that we are meant to learn. You know those people in our lives that seem to always be complaining. It is always someone else’s fault that they are not succeeding. Why do you think that is? I think these people are vampires and they suck the life out of those around them. Don’t be a vampire and learn the lesson you are meant to learn regardless of the circumstances. I speak from experience of failing to learn the lesson and having the lesson repeated to me over and over again, until it has been repeated so many times that I finally see the correct answer.
Recently we went to Theo’s chiropractor to review his nervous system scan. We started seeing Dr. Nathan Wall about a year ago. We have been seeing him 3 times a week and we have now transitioned down to 1 time a week. You can watch this Youtube video below discussing the scans.
In summary, Theo had a rating of over 1,000, a year ago. That is the rating of the bodies stress response. Now his rating is just over 100. I believe that is an improvement of over 100% of the stress response measurement that we did a year ago. That is crazy.
We have had many people comment that Theo seems more aware and more present. His interactions with cousins, aunts and uncles, and other kids has greatly improved.
The things that Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about all the time is being proven by our little guy Theo. Our physiology is greatly improved by the chemical reactions that are happening within our bodies. If we can improve the physiology of our bodies, we can optimize our brain capacity. I want to put this into action for myself. That is why I have become hyper aware of the things I eat and drink so I can be at my peak performance. Dr. Dispenza says that we have a pharmacy available within our bodies. Different chemicals are released based on the physical responses that our bodies go through. If we are always in a stress response, we will never be able to access our Pre-Frontal Cortex, our bodies will also have a hard time with digestion and sleep, etc. So to amplify the rest and restore parts of our bodies, we have to make sure that we are creating those chemical reactions in our experiences. A simple example is, that if you are always working and always giving to others, it is likely that you suffer from fatigue and you might have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and your stress levels are probably super high. You have to find ways to calm your nervous system and to relax. That is why I am passionate about yoga and meditation. We are meant to have a balance between rest and restore and a stress response. We can’t live in one category for too long or we will have disease or dysfunction.
I envision Theo’s pre-frontal cortex finally firing off every single day, where before it wasn’t because his body was always in a fight and flight response. His stress responses in his body would not allow his pre-frontal cortex to be operating at all. He was always uncomfortable and hard to keep entertained and happy. Now he will sit and watch movies, where before he would never.
What a relief it is to be able to turn on a movie and know that Theo would be occupied for 30 minutes or longer.
We are also trying to amplify Theo’s gut health by giving him kombucha as often as possible. The Kombucha feeds the probiotics or the good bacteria. We also feed him our Pure Living Greens every morning, and our Pure Living Plant Protein to get him the necessary macro nutrients for his body to operate optimally. Check them out here:
Dr. Jason Klop, the doctor that did the FMT procedure says that kids need bio-diversity in their gut. Meaning that they need a variety of healthy organic foods to feed the good bacteria. He goes on to say that our Pure Living Greens are great for that benefit because it has 14+ fruits and veggies, or plant foods. Check out his interview here:
If you are not a believer of FMT yet, then you are not paying attention. Do it.
I have been working hard on myself over the last few years and I feel like my family has seen the greatest benefits from my internal work.
Angela told me this week that she wouldn’t have had the courage to do the Fecal Microbiota Transplant without me pushing it.
I am learning that Faith is acting with Expectations. Our desired expectations lead us to act and behave a certain way. Sometimes we have to walk through a period of time where our faith is tested.
I gave my notice to my current job SalesRabbit that I would be taking a new job. The new job is less money but it will allow me to work from home and it will allow me to help with Theo more.
I want to be known as someone that is motivated by what is most meaningful in life. Now I know the importance of money. I know that it is energy and it is a resource and tool that helps you accomplish more. However, life is more than money. The Universe is the ultimate provider and the Universe will continue to provide for me and my beautiful family.
Having faith and courage is not the absence of fear. It is standing in that fear and recognizing it. It is standing up to the challenge with dignity and power. I am envisioning myself standing with my shoulders high and my head to the sky.
Some of the biggest, scariest things that I have faced in my life is not knowing. Not knowing if my son will ever speak, not knowing what my tomorrow will look like. What I have learned through my experiences is that you have to trust your gut feeling even when all the other signs and logic reasoning is telling you to act another way. That is true faith. That is true knowing.
I know that the Universe will provide for me and my family. And when the thoughts of fear arise, I just continue to nourish and feed the thoughts of faith, hope and positivity. SalesRabbit has allowed me to make the most money that I have ever seen in my life. They have blessed me incredibly. It is extremely difficult to walk away from that comfort. Growth doesn’t come when we are cozy and comfortable. Growth comes when we extend ourselves and we reach out in faith and belief.
I appreciate you all believing in Theo. That belief drives me. I am asking my son to take on the biggest challenges that he faces every day. I can’t keep asking him to do that, if I am unwilling to do it myself.
Now on to the next challenge and mountain to climb. I am excited to work with Thumbtack and continue my growth in the personal and professional world. They value this heavily at Thumbtack.
I wish you all Faith, Hope and Positivity on your Journey
Last night I went to a Breath Work / Reiki work practice in Salt Lake City. I would like to tell you about the experience. I arrived in downtown Salt Lake at this old building. The Trax were right next to this building. It looks like a rougher neighborhood. My wife went to a woman’s retreat in Idaho last weekend. This Reiki Master was at the event and did some work with my wife. My wife told me that I had to go experience this Reiki Flight myself.
I have felt called to get Reiki Certified for a while now. My cousin told me to reach out to this guy named Corby that does Reiki energy or healing work. I have been so wrapped up in my other courses for Yoga certification and my Functional Medicine certification that I just haven’t had more bandwidth to take on another course. But now I feel the need to complete the course.
Last night was a crazy experience for me. Before I left my home I was already fighting with my wife. I was trying to get into a good place. So I sat down to read a few chapters in the book: “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle.” The book is by Mark Wolynn. It talks about how we can carry gene mutations through our DNA. We have learned a lot about that with our son Theo through the MTHFR Gene. That gene is in charge of detoxification. I have a gene mutation and Angela has a Gene mutation. That means our kids have it even worse.
My family line has a lot of pain and trauma. That is why my eventual book will be titled: “Taking back my family name”.
Anyway, fast forward to the Reiki Flight Experience. I arrived to this old decrepit building. I walked up the old stairs to the 2nd floor and the whole place smelled like weed. I walked in and there were 2 women in the front of the class. Zoe who I recognized because I saw her Instagram page that my wife had sent me. She has these big large dreadlocks. She was sitting cross-legged at the front of the class. Audrey was the other woman at the front of the class. We had to watch a video before we came talking about breathe work and Audrey was the voice in that video.
To be honest, she really bothered me in the video and in person. She used really technical language and talked about living in a really remote small mountainous town called “Woodland”. She talked about how much work she has and how busy she was. I really got this negative vibe from her, like she had this massive ego. Anyway. I was in this really tough space.
Fast forward to the experience. It took forever for them to talk through the housekeeping items but finally we settled in. We practiced yoga and breath work for a few minutes, then she dropped us into this wooded area and we walked into this opening. This big grassy field. We found this hill in the middle of this open area and that is where we laid down.
While we were practicing the breathe work in the beginning, Zoe asked us to trust our intuition and to journal while she cued questions. She asked us where in our body that we feel pain. What shape does it have? What does it represent? What color is it? What texture does it have?
Here is my journal entry:
“My Past- Who I was. I want it erased. The pain is in my heart and in my chest. It is broken shards of glass. It is dark blood red. It is hard and scabby with open sores. It weighs as much as 5 gallons of water. It is cold – dry- and it is dark and silent…”
Then when we were laying on this hill in the middle of this opening, we focused on breathing into that pain. We took deep breaths in and out of our mouths.
After the meditation we were to journal of our experience and Zoe would walk around and place her hands on us to heal. During the meditation she placed her hands on my throat, heart, and chest. At the time I had my hands on my stomach as I was laying flat on my back. When she placed her hands on me, I could feel the radiating warmth of her touch. My hands fell open to the side and my chest and heart almost reached up to take in more of this Reiki Energy. The Shards of glass started to come together to make a clear flat window, or sheet of glass.
After the experience: This was my journal entry:
“Get the tattoo- stamp yourself as awaken. Yin and Yang are balancing energies. They are the masculine & The Feminine Life Force. Stop chasing validation- Seek inner peace. You have to be the primary source of love- you are your own life force- Your own energy- The illness is gone- You are awake- You are conscious of what is happening- The world wants to numb you. The world wants to silence you. God speaks through people- Here and Now. He teaches us through our experiences, through our relationships. Disagreements are healthy. Disagreements are good. They are how we learn. They are how we grow. Your past is your past- It’s made you this beautiful super sensitive soul. You have so much love to give. You can see beyond people’s anger and people’s hurt and see their light, love, and potential. Use that gift to lift people up. Help them see themselves.”
There is so much more to the story. But we will leave it here for now. I have my Reiki Master coming to my house tonight.
In 2006 I moved back to Utah from spending a year playing soccer for Iowa Western Community College. While attending IWCC I became friends with Becky Pulham on the Women’s soccer team. One day I was hanging out with Becky in her dorm room and I started looking through her MySpace account. Yes, MySpace. 🙂 I am that old. I was going through all of Becky’s friends checking out all of the girls pictures. I had the idea before Mark Zuckerberg. 🙂
Well I spotted this hot blonde that jumped out at me. Her pictures were from when her and her family had gone on a cruise in the Caribbean. She had olive skin and golden blonde hair, a beautiful face and smile. She was gorgeous. I was imprinted.
I went ahead and slid into her DM’s before that was even a thing. She didn’t respond the first time. So I tried a second time. Still no response.
Once I knew that I was moving back to Utah. I begged and begged Becky to give me her phone number so I could reach out to her. I begged for like a week before Becky finally relented and called Angela and asked if it was ok to give me her number.
Just so happens, that was the day that I was making the trek from Council Bluffs, Iowa to Salt Lake City. That is a 13 hour drive. About 5-6 hours into the drive, I worked up the courage to call her.
To my surprise she answered the call and agreed to hang out with me that very night. She told me to go to her Grandparents in Lehi, Utah. She was house sitting while her grandparents were out of town.
I recruited a couple of friends to go with me that night because she had one other girlfriend that would be there. We had planned on playing board games, but Angela and I just ended up talking most of the night. I don’t remember what else was happening with my friends and Angela’s girlfriend.
I just remember that Angela showed right away how empathetic she really is. She had an open mind and she cared about others. She showed me her heart that night and she has always been this ray of empathy and love for others.
When Theo was diagnosed with Autism, Angela started to reach out on Instagram and find other Mom’s that had kids being diagnosed at the same time. She created a Mom’s group where they could all work together to problem solve for each other.
I have been playing catch up for the last few years trying to learn things systematically through institutions and organizations of what Angela already learned through this Bio-Medical Mother’s Group.
I fought Angela at first against going gluten-free, dairy-free, casein-free for Theo. My argument was that Theo and Eva needed to be kids. I grew up on Doritos and fruit snacks. Kids need to be kids. What a moron I truly was. Theo showed huge progress when we put him on a restricted diet, and slowly I started to become a believer. Fast forward to today where I now am over half-way done with my Functional Medicine Coaching Certification and everything that Angela and her superhero mom group have learned is 100% true.
I chose this picture because it depicts Angela perfectly. Theo’s Functional Medicine doctor calls her a “Tiger Mom”. She is fierce. She is strong. She will fight and claw until her dying breath for the people in her life. I hope the world will start listening to these Mom’s. A mother’s intuition is stronger than any medical history or knowledge. A mother’s intuition is a direct line to the Universe and to Source.
Angela Marie Blymiller is a giant and powerful soul on this earth. She loves with so much energy and force.
I love her for her fight. For her beauty. But most of all for her Love. Nobody on this Earth has shown me and my kids greater love than she has.
Theo was diagnosed with Autism about 2.5 years ago. Autism rates are growing year over year. In 1975 it was 1 in 10,000 kids was diagnosed with Autism. Today the CDC reported that about 1 in 36 kids will be diagnosed with Autism in 2020. Dr. Zach Bush says that if we keep going at this rate, 1 in 3 kids will be diagnosed with Autism in 2034.
We need to find answers for these kids.
However, in order to do that, we have to take better care of ourselves so we have the energy and the stamina to take on the world that we live in.
Angela and I know what it is like. We have felt this need to race against time to find solutions for Theo before it was too late. We have both had periods of time where we were listening to podcasts daily, reading articles and studies, reading books, etc. We were consuming all that we could possibly get our hands on.
That is why I like to compare parents of special needs kids to extreme athletes. You are always testing your limits. Your energy, your mental capacity, your emotional threshold is all being tested to the max. You are completely engulfed with stress and anxiety. You don’t know how you are going to get the next labs paid for because insurance doesn’t cover it, and you don’t know enough to even know what the next steps are because stress has you feeling tired, discouraged and defeated.
That is why we think it is necessary to tell you to: “Take better care of yourself, so you can take better care of those you care for.”
I imagine this world where special needs parents around the globe tap into their full potential and they become these extra powerful beings. They have the sharpest minds in the world because they are fully nourished body, mind, and spirit.
We can’t be fully nourished in body, mind, and spirit, unless we take better care of ourselves. We are practicing this same concept. We both went to see a Functional Medicine Doctor this week. They ran full labs on us to see what vitamins and minerals that we are deficient in. For example, I am deficient in B12, Testosterone, and Vitamin D. I will be supplementing these things over the next 6 weeks to see how I feel. We encourage you to seek out a Functional Medicine Doctor in your area.
We love you and respect you. We feel what you are feeling. Let’s all challenge ourselves a little more each day to take more moments to care for ourselves.
Just remember, we can’t challenge our kids everyday if we are not willing to challenge ourselves.
We had the loading doses of Theo’s Fecal Microbiota Transplant done July 15th and 16th, 2020. This week marks the 2-month mark from the procedure.
This is a video of Theo being curious about my tongue and sounds that I am making with my lips. This is just one example of Theo thriving. I had spent the weekend at my Yoga Instructor Training. The final part of my course required me to be at Yoga from 12 pm-7 pm on Saturday, and 7 am-3 pm on Sunday. As soon as I came home, Theo wanted me to pick him up and flip him or tickle him. I played with him for a bit, but then I laid down to relax and watch some much earned tv time. That’s when he climbed up to cuddle with me. He spent about 40 minutes playing with me and then fell asleep as I massaged his feet.
Our friends Laura and Abe were over last week with their kids. Their son Kingston had the procedure done at the same time as Theo. We asked them if they had seen any improvements with their little guy. They also said that Kingston was more aware. We were joking about this because whenever we say this to other people, they have this dumbfounded look on their face, like “ok, psycho”.
More aware to us means that he listens to commands better. Whether that is us telling him to go to his room and he listens, or he puts things back in the fridge when we ask him to. This has been a huge improvement that we have seen from the very beginning. It also means that we see more clear moments. Theo doesn’t look past us in a blank stare, there is more interaction with us and with other kids and family.
When we were in Rosarito, Mexico for the procedure I kept telling Theo that we were going to put more good bugs into his belly. That is the visual that makes the most sense to me. Imagine a re-population of healthy gut flora/bacteria taking over Theo’s gut and cleaning house. They eat up and destroy dysfunctional and bad cells hanging out. This will allow Theo’s nervous system to relax. His nervous system has been in hyperdrive for so long, that means logical processing in the pre-frontal cortex wasn’t possible. Now that his immune response is chilled-out, his antibodies aren’t attacking his own body, his cells can go back to doing what they were supposed to be doing all along.
If you want to learn more, I highly recommend Brain Maker by Dr. David PerlMutter.
Dr. PerlMutter has a whole chapter about Autism and the benefits of a Fecal Microbiota Transplant. Here are a couple of really impactful quotes:
“Researching autism means being on the frontiers of brain medicine, especially as the science relates to an understanding of the microbiome…
… for a long time problems with the gut were regarded as a set of symptoms unrelated to the brain, but we’re now discovering how gut health and function- especially gut bacteria- connect to brain development. We are also finally seeing how gut bacteria may contribute to the development and progression of a brain disorder such as autism. As you’ll soon learn, one of the most convincing pieces of evidence linking intestinal microbes and autism is the fact that children with autism exhibit certain patterns in the composition of their gut bacteria that are absent in children without autism.” -page 120
“Today, the CDC estimates that children with autism are more than 3.5 times more likely to experience chronic diarrhea and constipation than their peers who do not have autism- a statistic that just cannot be ignored.” – page 127
“Whether or not gut microbes are a main player in the development of autism, or any neurological disorder, they are vital players in our complex physiology. And supporting them as best we can is perhaps the chief way we can influence our brain’s health, and even our DNA.” – page 138
and my favorite quote out of them all…
“I think the studies I highlighted in this chapter are promising, and could lead to new preventive measures and therapies that can help shift autism from being a debilitating disorder to a manageable condition. And best of all, these new therapies won’t be pharmaceutical drugs that come with side effects. They will, for the most part, come from dietary choices and probiotic treatments to rebalance the microbiome. They will be lifestyle interventions that are highly accessible and economical for everyone.” – page 139
We really believe that supplementing with organic veggies will only help everyone’s gut ecosystem.
In his book SuperLife, Darin Olien says:
“Green foods increase detoxification, balance acidity and alkalinity, lower the inflammatory response, and boosts the immune system.”
Darin is the real star in the Netflix hit: Down to Earth with Zac Efron, and he is the creator behind the amazing product called Shakeology from Beach Bodies.
As you can imagine, giving a kid veggies is really difficult. That is why we offer our Pure Living Greens in an easy to consume powder that can easily be diluted into water, or mixed into a smoothie. Our Theo takes them every morning through a syringe and I have them every morning for my breakfast. Check them out here:
Here is a quick video showing you how I mix them every morning for myself and share them with Theo.
I just sat down with my Business Coach to outline our relationship and expectations moving forward. He asked me a question that I have read and heard many times over the last few years. He said “Imagine the best case scenario… What would that look like?”
I strongly believe that we as a global society do not do this enough. We do not ask ourselves this question enough. I think back at the Monumental Moments in time and how Imagination was the tool that drove us forward in humanity. Going to the moon, finding cures to diseases, overcoming some of the world’s biggest conflicts. There are so many occurrences that could not have happened if it were not for imagination.
We need this now more than ever, especially with 2020 hitting us in the face over and over again. Today in Utah we had 90 mph winds hit our state. 170,000 people have been without power all day today. Not to mention the riots and the pandemic that we are all facing in our world.
Too many times we settle for what we know. Too many times, we think that we are stuck in our realities.
It’s time to dare to dream.
My son has been diagnosed with Autism and PANDAS. Those diagnoses do not define him. He is more than these diagnoses. I will not stop helping him develop in specific areas of his life because he has these diagnoses. Today my son doesn’t talk. That doesn’t mean that I will give up and stop finding ways to help my son talk.
I personally have my own addictions, my own ways of acting and behaving. I have 36 years of history of using different modalities and different behaviors to confront my days. But that does not mean that I can’t find new and innovative ways to optimize my experience and my behaviors.
I believe that we should each take a little time everyday to imagine. Take at least 10 minutes a day to imagine what could be. Imagine your best case scenario in your life, for whatever category that you want to improve. Imagine and envision it with great detail. Maybe we want to start a business, maybe you want to gain some muscle weight, maybe you want to enter a competition, maybe you want to challenge yourself. We can easily find answers as to why something won’t work.
Why not start putting into practice a part of your day where everything starts to go right for you? Envision what your dream world looks like. What would be your ideal schedule? What would you spend your time doing? Who would you spend your time with? Wherever you put your energy, that is where your world will expand.
In my Functional Medicine Coaching course we learn a lot about Positive Psychology. This the practice of generating good thoughts. There has been scientific studies by people like Dr. Barbara Fredrickson and many other scientists that are trying to benefit humanity. They say that it takes 3 positive thoughts to equal the weight of 1 single negative thought. We have had a lot of negative thoughts going around lately. It is time to generate positivity and new positive thoughts.
There have been countless moments in my life that when I was vulnerable and real, I was able to find answers and make a real life deep connection. When I have been public and honest about my weaknesses and my faults, people step forward from the shadows and share their similar experiences with me. I truly believe that God/ The Universe works through other people. The work of love and connection can only be activated when we remove our facade and our masks. When we refuse the ego, and stop protecting ourselves behind a wall of shields, we can find the answers we seek.
Why don’t we speak of our imperfections more? What are we so afraid of from revealing the truth? I know for me it is because of fear of rejection. I want to be accepted, but more than that, I want to be loved and celebrated. Who wants to celebrate someone who is failing in areas of their life.
Over the last fews years I have been obsessed about learning from successful people. I have listened to Podcasts with Tony Robbins, Guy Raz in “How I Built This”, Oprah Winfrey in “Super Soul Conversations”, The Rich Roll Podcast, and so much more. The thing that I have learned from the books that I have read and the podcasts that I have listened to, is that no one is perfect. No one is without fault or weakness.
I just finished the book “Finding Ultra” by Rich Roll. He was almost 40, and by his own description, 50 pounds over weight and out of breathe walking up his stairs before he realized that he wanted to make a change. At the time, he had already graduated from Stanford University and Cornell Law School. He had been practicing as a lawyer for almost 20 years, before he realized that he wanted to address his alcoholism.
He had many opportunities to admit and surrender his addiction, but he clung to it for comfort. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it.
Rich Roll today is world renown for being one of the best ultra marathoners in the world. He changed his diet to a plant based diet and he credits that change to the turning point in his health and development.
I thought that part was super interesting, when he admitted a weakness and spoke it out loud, he was able to find answers to address his weakness. For a long while, he didn’t listen to the subtle voices that guided him to a plant based diet. His wife had been a vegetarian for years prior.
Tony Robbins said something in a podcast years ago that has stuck with me. He said that we have to feel the pain long enough and hard enough, where the status quo was no longer an option, before we make a change.
So what is it that you are holding on to that you have been debating on letting go? You know in your heart and mind that it isn’t good for you, but the comfort is so good, that you can’t let go.
For me, it is my addiction to sugar and continuing my battle against sex and porn addiction. These things provide me solace and security when life hits me in the gut and face. They soften the impact. I know that these things only harm me. Sex with my wife is healthy and that is medicine. What I am speaking about is sexual thoughts when I objectify other women. These thoughts are not welcome, and they have been automatic in my mind since I was a young boy. I still have these thoughts but I am more aware. You have to be aware before you can address it.
May joy and love help us find a healthy body, mind, and soul.
I have heard this saying frequently: “Learning is not linear.” It has been shown to be true in my life. I have found learning to be like a big puzzle. You start getting the outline of an image, then you slowly add piece by piece. Each story, each experience in your life plays a part in the big picture. There are monumental moments where the picture comes together and it becomes clear what you are to gain and learn.
Growth and progress is the same for me. I have been working hard on my fitness for the last 3 years. I started at 26% body fat, now I am down to 16%. In the beginning I had these stories in my head that if I went out to run 2 miles, that I had to be at a 8 minute mile pace or faster, or it wasn’t worth it, and it wasn’t doing anything for me. Growth is incremental. A lot of us believe that growth is all or nothing. Growth and progress is not Binary. It is not a zero sum game.
We all are where we are. Remove the emotion. Remove the negative stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves. Many times we stress and complain about where we are. I love the saying : “Comparison is the death to Progression.” The only thing we should be comparing is where we were from yesterday. If we measure our progress in micro doses, we can see large improvements over a longer period.
Over the last 4 months, I have taken my son Theo for a run during my lunch break for 3 miles. Somedays, I run the whole 3 miles without stopping. Other days I stop and walk quite a few times to catch my breath. The important part is that I stick to my routine and I continue to go on the runs. Maintaining a routine and a work ethic can sometimes be really difficult. We should give ourselves credit for the work we are doing to maintain our current state.
Only when we are content and happy in our current state, can we have the energy and the courage to move to the next level. Leveling up is challenging.
I said in my blog post a couple of weeks ago this: Remember, we can’t challenge our kids everyday if we are not willing to challenge ourselves.
Yet we can’t always push ourselves all of the time. We have to show ourselves some kindness. We have to give ourselves credit and celebrate the little victories.
Today I am celebrating that Theo slept through the night. That he is eating more. That he is using sign language more often. And most importantly, that he seems to be in less pain lately.
I am also celebrating my progress both physically and mentally. I am the fittest I have been since college, and I am more aware of my thoughts and emotions that I have ever been.